It amazes me how my former church organization was able to justify reading the scriptures to support their doctrines and ignoring the ones that do not.
An example is "Man looks on the outward appearance but God looks on the heart" They interpret this to mean that God expects you to wear and not wear certain things, especially if you are a woman --say what???!!!
Another is "take no thought for what you should wear . . . 'something about how he clothes the birds,etc" They interpret this as think very hard about what you wear and make sure it is approved by the church and pastor . . oh, and be sure to take hours on that hairdo and shopping is of course one of our only approved activities.
Then there are all the scriptures about love, including God is Love. They interpret these to mean love your brother and sister IF they are in 'the truth' and following all the rules very closely but remember God is an angry God and you better be careful what you do, see, hear, say because you are one small step from eternal damnation! Oh, and remember all that gossip and meanness you pass around when a brother or sister slip up is really done in 'love' Yeah right!
Of course the scriptures about gluttony are completely ignored. They create an entire doctrine around one obscure scripture about hair while they walk around in their tonnage proclaiming their scriptural superiority.
Don't even consider the scripture about the good Samaritan, if you see a poor soul in need, only pay attention if he/she can in some way promote the message of the church.
There is a scripture about humility, something about taking the low seat and perhaps being asked to move up being better than the other way around --well, that one they totally demolished. They create a whole table of high seats, usually related and God forbid anyone would have the nerve to question their right to be there.
There are more anomolies but you get the picture and isn't it just sad ????

Nancy

When my grandmother was the age I am now, I thought she was ancient! At times I looked forward to the time when I was old --and wise :) I actually yearned for the day when I would no longer be so uncertain I was right about anything but would have that assurance that I just 'knew' what was right and what I was doing! So now I am pretty much there and what the heck!?? were all the old people just faking it or am I an anomaly???
Sure at rare times, I actually do feel pretty certain I have a bit of wisdom about something and even sense that I am giving my friends and family good advice occasionally (well at least on 'rare' occasions) but that overall feeling of 'having arrived' and being comfortable in my wisdom is still eluding me. I still too often have the feeling of "say what??!!" I know that too is a part of old age but you are supposed to enjoy the wise one period before reaching the confused dotty period I sure hope I am not skipping the first and going straight to the second!
Of course, (brag) I don't yet have many gray hairs --maybe my wisdom will arrive with the change in hair color (that is if I continue to resist the urging of my hairdresser to assure that never happens)
Oh well, getting old may not be all its cracked up to be but as a wise one once told me " it sure beats the alternative!"

Nancy

Individuals who suffer abuse sometimes escape, heal, and move on to live productive lives, but there is a part of them that can never forget and sometimes that causes problems. Growing up in a legalistic, spiritually abusive denomination also creates memories hard to forget and makes it difficult to trust ANY church group or leadership. Just as an abused child never really trust ANY parent again without extensive therapy and perhaps just never, an abused Christian doesn't trust ANY church and unfortunately therapy for this is not as widely understood, sought, or offered.
Some may not even trust God, believing he is either like the abusive doctrine taught or that He should have saved them from going through that. Many abused children do not trust God for the same reasons.
Good parents who try to help an abused child do the best they can, realizing they may not be successful and have little hope that the relationship will ever be totally without problems but also hope the child will grow to be a happy, productive adult. Many times these good parents pay the price for the bad parents they replace. The child targets the anger toward the parent that is available, proving if possible that they will also reject them or at the least become angry and not understand.
As the ultimate good parent, God must weep over these abused children and spiritually abused christians, desiring for them to just trust Him to show them a path to peace and hope.
Whatsoever things are good, lovely, . . . . .think on these things and just perhaps the other thoughts can be pushed out of our heads.

Nancy

After my initial fear of her, I came to adore my first grade teacher. She seemed to reciprocate that feeling throughout my first grade year. That summer, I missed her and at the beginning of the next school year, I couldn't wait to see her. First chance was at recess and I happily ran up to give her a hug; she stopped me cold-"you aren't in first grade anymore so you are not mine! And pointing to my 2nd grade teacher, she said "now you belong to Mrs. Jones." I remember walking off sorrowfully. I never trusted Mrs. Jones and never fell in love with her. I don't even remember what she looked like.
My best friend cousin was just 3 weeks older than me. We were inseparable. When we were 8, she was killed in a freak train accident. I never had another friend as 'best' as Vicky.
When I was 10 we moved away. I missed my little neighborhood friend. We had done all kinds of mischief together. A few weeks later we visited the people renting our old house. Their daughter and my neighborhood friend played together as if I wasn't even there.
The die was cast, for the rest of my life, trust would be hard for me. It didn't help that I was in a legalistic church group that tied friendship to performance and forbid or discouraged it at will of the leadership.
To counteract what I feel is an unhealthy distrust of others, I am stalwart in my loyalty. I stand by a friend even if I never see them for years at a time and even if they are not as faithful to the friendship, as long as they are not mean, cruel, or 'twofaced' with me.
This past week I again encountered this phenomenon. My former director and I were very close but with both of us receiving promotions, she has moved on. As I walked cheerfully up to renew our friendship, it was obvious the relationship has changed. I later was told to limit our friendship because of business politics. Well, she made that easy- she probably got the message first and chose the easy way out. I would have limited the business side but fought for the friendship.
Anyway, as I tried to reason my way through what happened, these thoughts came to mind. I am stronger for what I have lived through. I don't expect too much of others. I love and sincerely appreciate small kindnesses more than people realize.
I am happy and blessed and thankful for the ability to understand myself and why I am who I am.
It helps to put it in writing

Nancy

There is a wonderful old song:
It is no secret what God can do, what he's done for others, he'll do for you! With arms wide open, he'll pardon you, it is no secret what God can do

God's plan is no secret. You don't need some special revelation, validated by some self important board of narcissistic men. His plan is so simple, a wayfaring man, though a fool need not err therein. For God so loved the world, He gave His only begotten Son . . . . . .THAT is His plan, believe! Have faith because without faith it is impossible to please Him. . . he who cometh to God must believe that He IS and the He is a rewarder of them who diligently seek Him. Jesus said He came that we might have peace, fear not!
My parents used to sing a song titled WHO. . .
Who lights the stars at night , who guides the moon in flight, who makes the sun so bright ? Nobody but my Lord!
Who gave me saving grace, who died to take my place,who did my sins erase? Nobody but my Lord!
Yes, he made the earth, he made the sea and land, fastened them together by His mighty hand, under His control, they move at His command , Nobody but my Lord . . .could do it!
Nobody, nothing, not things present, nor things past, not any creature can separate us from the love of God or from His plan. God is good and His mercy endureth forever.

Nancy