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This blog will contain some insight for those who have experienced spiritual abuse and will also hopefully help to educate those who would like to learn about it.
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Informational post on speaking in tongues #1

Posted November 8th, 2011 at 04:22 AM by Lois
Just a little 'did you know' informational post on the subject of speaking in tongues.

With the push for speaking in tongues in Pentecostal churches, my personal experience is that rarely, if ever, was it pointed out what Paul told those who spoke in tongues to do. Do you know what it is?

I Corinthians 14:13 shows that Paul instructed those who speak in tongues to pray that they would also be able to interpret tongues.

Surprised? When was the last time you heard a Pentecostal preacher teach that if you speak in tongues you should pray to be able to interpret as well? It is interesting how little this is taught and emphasized.
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Posted in Questioning
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Spies

Posted November 7th, 2011 at 03:00 AM by Lois
Spies. On our support group board, we sometimes hear from members who are concerned there may be someone from their church or former church there (like the pastor or someone appointed by him) who will spy on them and report what they post. The chances of that happening are very slim, however the fear is quite real for some.

Considering what happens in unhealthy churches, this fear is understandable. How many appoint themselves as "police" in these places, running to the pastor or his wife/family with any hint of perceived wrong-doing? (Though rarer, sometimes the pastor himself appoints people to do this.) My own former pastor would at times take the word of a "reporter" and take action against the "transgressor" without ever speaking to them first or looking into the veracity of the matter. The reports even sometimes became sermon material for him. I saw people lose positions, be sternly reprimanded, threatened with losing their salvation, and even asked to leave as the result of these "spies."

Any church leadership that needs or encourages tattling is unhealthy. It is a form of control. It is a sign of an INSECURE leader. A healthy pastor would stop the talebearer and let them know that they were to no longer make any "reports."

If you are afraid of your pastor or if "spying" goes on in your church, then chances are likely that you are in an unhealthy group. It would be good to educate yourself on signs of spiritual abuse.
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Posted in Fear, Questioning
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What if they are right?

Posted November 6th, 2011 at 10:36 PM by Lois
What if they are right?

This is a question that many who leave unhealthy churches face. Because they have not yet worked through the various teachings and/or because they do not understand the manipulative fear tactics, they sometimes wonder if the group was right. Perhaps they are backslid or lost. Maybe their conscience has been seared. Maybe they did walk away from "the truth."

One of the signs of an unhealthy group is that they have "the truth" and others, or at least most others, do not and are therefore not saved. They may have some unique revelation. Outside their doors there is no hope for you. Or so they'd like you to believe....

If this thought of them maybe being right is bothering you, take a good, hard look at the teachings and the manner in which they are taught. Learn to recognize the signs of spiritual abuse and how fear is used to manipulate and control. Then you will know whether they are right or wrong and you will have overcome that fear factor.
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If only I had remained....

Posted November 5th, 2011 at 01:37 AM by Lois
If only I had remained in the UPC (or other church)....

People who have left and are going through a rough time sometimes think that, had they remained, this or that would not have happened. If they had stayed in the group, they wouldn't have lost their job or there wouldn't be family problems or..... They have forgotten that bad things happened while they were there. Old thoughts from sermons with twisted scriptures can have a hold on people for years if they do not deal with the issues from their involvement.

I recall all kinds of bad things happening to people who were in the church. A house burned down, there were all kinds of vehicle and job problems, car accidents, financial problems, marriage problems and divorces, and people getting diseases with some dying. It would be an extensive list of woes if everything could be mentioned. Being a member of the church and being involved did not keep them from the things of life that can happen to anyone.

In like manner, being out of the group, we need to understand that things will also happen. It is part of life. It doesn't mean God is after you and trying to get you to return to the unhealthy church. It doesn't mean you are lost or backslid. It doesn't mean you would have been safe from whatever happened had you remained. Take the time to look into the passages that were used to scare you and to understand the fear that permeates the teachings. If you do this and learn of how God really is, you will no longer have to fight such thoughts.
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YOU are the problem!

Posted November 4th, 2011 at 02:40 AM by Lois
There is no problem- you are the problem.

Ever been made to feel that way at a church or seen it happen to another? You bring to the attention of leadership a possible problem that you see, be it doctrine or something happening at church. You find that suddenly YOU have now become the problem.

How and why does this happen? The pastor, who is insecure and feels threatened, decides that there really isn't anything wrong, that it is simply YOU. You are rebellious, a trouble maker, trying to stir up strife or division, you are unteachable, backslid.... There are a number of possible reasons why YOU have become the problem. And he may bring these up in a sermon and preach hard against those that may question the pastor. Remember the she bears or when the earth opened up and all those people lost their lives? Or when some were hit with leprosy or the couple dropped dead before Peter? You don't want to find yourself in a similar situation!

And what does this switch do? It pretty much silences anyone else who may have had similar thoughts. It creates division as you are now suspect and perhaps should be avoided until you come to your senses and ask for forgiveness. It also can cause you to wonder if what the pastor said is true. Are you messed up? Are you being influenced by the devil? Is there a spirit of rebellion in you? Could God be planning your demise because you questioned the pastor?

Healthy churches allow and even welcome questioning and differing opinions. But if you are in an unhealthy church, you will quickly learn that those who bring attention to a problem will themselves become the problem.
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