Someone told me today that he had come to the conclusion that "Orthodoxy is a fragile thing, which can be good. If it's false, it can be easily dropped, and broken. But if it's true, it must be constantly maintained." I wonder if I mis-heard him. Because if what we believe is false, it can be easily dropped and broken, yes. But that is when it must be constantly maintained. Only the false is fragile. The truth, like fire, should not be so easily snuffed out...

It was an interesting comment and an interesting line of thought. Should the truth need to be constantly maintained? I don't believe so. Truth will flourish on it's own. The false, the insufficient will be easily broken or snuffed out, yes. Something closely related to that has been bothering me lately. After nineteen years of believing a certain way and giving my life to it, I find myself wondering what I believe.

I'm not sorry for the positive things that came of my life in Pentecost, but I don't believe what I did just two months ago. I told someone not long ago that I haven't left Pentecostalism, I've just grown beyond it. That is very true. It was good in it's place and time, but there are deeper, richer places in God, and I'm ready to explore those.

So was what I believed false, that it could be easily broken? I can't answer that yet. Is my faith broken or bigger now? I'd have to say bigger. Maybe in answering the second question, I've answered the first. So again I come to the thought that I haven't left Pentecostalism, but I have grown beyond it...

Only what is false must be constantly maintained, in my opinion. Truth will stand on it's own, and falsehoods won't tarnish or change it. Truth is strong, but falsehood is weak and easily broken. Systems that encourage people not to look beyond their group's way of thinking are maintaining soemthing. But truth promotes growth, not maintenance.

The difference between falsehood and truth, to me, are like the difference between a spark and a bonfire. One can be easily snuffed; the other can burn for days without any human effort. So when I'm told if I miss a service that I'm "leaving truth", when I realize that after 19 years that two months has totally changed my opinion on certain passages in the Bible... I have to wonder what I was maintaining all these years.

God made the mountains. He put the stars into space. He is truth. Truth doesn't need to be maintained by humanity. Truth extends way beyond humanity. Who ever heard of maintaining a mountain? Or maintaining a star? So why, then, do we think truth must be fought over and maintained through such careful monitoring of every bit of information that passes our eyes? Truth will stand on it's own. It isn't fragile, and there is no need to maintain it.

There is no reason to fear that truth will break so easily. It should be treated respectfully, but even when left alone it...

mary

The Lord is my judge
When I have need of a savior
He maketh me to go through trials
He leadeth me through many tests...

No one, NO ONE, should misread the 23rd Psalm that way. How often it happens though! Sorry. Had to vent for a minute. We should never slander God by saying that, when bad things happen, God is testing or trying a person. If God made people do some of the bad things they do, in order to test or try someone else, He would be participant in their sin! And God DOES NOT SIN. Above that, He is righteous, and will not tell someone to do what He cannot-so He won't tell someone to hate, lie, steal, cheat, slander, malign, rape, or murder someone else. The line of thinking that if something bad happens, "God won't put on us more than we can bear" or "God is just testing you..." is totally, utterly against the word of God.


Anyway, so in reality:
The Lord is my SHEPHERD
I shall NOT WANT
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures
He leadeth me beside the still waters
He RESTORETH my soul

David was being chased by an angry, jealous king. He had done nothing wrong. He had, in fact, slain a giant and in doing so he had stopped the Phillistines to a degree. He had played music to the king when he was troubled, to soothe his heart and mind. He sat at the king's table and was his son's best friend. But the king was angry and jealous of this young man. Then Samuel made it worse by anointing him to be king after Saul.

Saul was seething mad. David was sitting at the table with him, when Saul suddenly grabbed a javelin and threw it at him. No warning. Not exactly friendly territory, that king's table!

Yet rather than fighting back, David ran. He left his home, his dad and brothers, and even his country. Did he discuss his problems involving the king? Sure. And there was nothing wrong with that. At what point did David draw the line in dealing with "God's anointed", then? In deliberately physically harming him.

Later, the same thought is echoed when Saul died. David killed the man that killed Saul, again because Saul was "God's anointed". The man thought David would be glad. That angry, jealous, murderous old man was gone. But David mourned for Saul, and for Jonathan.

There are several odd things in the story of Saul and David. After all, David was mourning the man who sought to kill him. He wouldn't "touch God's anointed" even though Saul himself was trying to "touch" David, who was also anointed by God!

I wonder if that's what made God call David the man after His own heart? That attitude of seeing what God wanted someone to be, rather than seeing their present condition and their faults? And I wonder if that's why God gave mercy to David, a murderous and adulterous king, when he needed mercy? Because he showed mercy, he was...

mary

When I would go to a pastor for advice or support rather than praying or studying the Bible for myself, or when I would feel that God wanted one thing, but would second guess myself due to something that was preached or something the pastor said, something was definitely out of balance. I put my health and others' at risk by going to church sick and pushing myself beyond reasonable limits. I bent over backward to make a good appearance, and was afraid to say "no" to any suggestion that was made.

In service, if everyone ran, I ran. If they danced, I danced. If the pastor indicated we should shout, I shouted. But none of that was worship.

Worship is a way of honoring God. If a person is focused on what other people are doing or are expecting you to do, they are honoring other people, not God. Worship is a form of love. It is not a mechanical, directed display, but a focused, heartfelt expression of adoration.

God, I want to be a true worshipper. Let my focus, love, adoration and worship be on You. Not on what others are saying or doing and not on what anyone else expects or demands, and not on what actions I'm performing. Worship is not a science of specific words, moves and actions, but an intimate place where the words, moves, and actions cease to have importance, because all are outweighed by love. Teach me to worship.

mary

Well, I had an interesting experience today- I went to a Pentecostal service in another city. Visited a couple other things on the way, so part of the day went well...

Wow. I had thought since every church is different, I should give another Pentecostal church a chance, at least. Haha. They were actually quite friendly, telling me that they hoped to see me again and then when I hedged, telling me they'd see me their next service, asking where I was from, and announcing where I was from when I specifically said not to! But they were trying to be nice, and as far as I can tell the pastor and his people are kind. Actually after service there was some work to be done, and the pastor asked if some men could help him with it. He walked off the platform started working, himself, right alongside everyone else! That was the first time I saw that in years.

The service was typical Pentecostal. Very good music. Milder worship than I'm used to, thankfully, just some clapping and singing-no squeals, spinning, dancing, running, leaping or spells. Sunday School was OK, but the lesson didn't use many scriptures and was kind of disjointed. The message was a bunch of catch phrases thrown together. I sat there listening, and although it would have been considered a "deep" lesson, and "anointed" preaching, I felt sorry for them. Some study had gone into both, but I realized that it's no wonder I can't remember what's preached in a Pentecostal service-there's too many bits and pieces splattered all over the place to really pin it down. I wonder sometimes if the preacher remembers the message after he's preached it, it's so fractured!

No one tried to pray me through, no one pushed worship or tried to up the excitement level. Those things were good. And I enjoy hearing the songs I'm familiar with. But it amazed me how different my perspective on what constitutes a "good" message is now, and how disjointed the messages really are in Pentecostal services I've experienced.

So the search continues...

I went to a denominal church this earlier this morning that was more liturgical. They sang "Lord prepare me (to be a sanctuary)". I always liked that song. They sang all four lines and stopped dead! And did it again on Kum ba Yah. (Yes, they really did sing it. I couldn't believe it either!) Once through, and done. After being in a church where a normal chorus must be sung 20 times to start to feel the spirit, it was a shock!

Anyway, so it was a very interesting day.

mary

Luke 15:11-24 And he said, A certain man had two sons: And the younger of them said to his father, Father, give me the portion of goods that falleth to me. And he divided unto them his living. And not many days after the younger son gathered all together, and took his journey into a far country, and there wasted his substance with riotous living... And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father's have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants. And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him. And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son. But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet: And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry: For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry.

I've heard the story of the prodigal preached about the prodigal and the elder brother... but some things stood out to me this morning in a different way.

The prodigal wasn't afraid to go to his dad and ask for his living. He didn't seem to struggle with leaving home. Not once does Jesus mention him being rebuked or berated for either action. On the contrary, it appears that his dad did what he asked without comment. Further, no one was angry that when he returned he was accepted, just that he got a party and the older brother didn't.

The prodigal wasn't put on probation. No one said, "well, let him come on up to the house and we'll see." No, his dad ran to him, and received him even with the stench of hogs and travel dust on his clothes. Then, as the prodigal began to rehearse his speech, his dad stopped him! He didn't let him wallow in repentance; it was obvious that he was repentant. His dad forgave him before he could finish and stopped him before he could ask to be as a hired servant. No, he was immediately his son again.

The servants didn't say anything. They did as the Father bid. And there is no mention of them murmuring or revolting. Just the older brother's jealousy.

How many people would be in church if people considered God's response to the prodigal... and remembered that they are not God, but only His servants?

I've heard righteous zeal and holy anger of God's servants praised in churches. Godly sorrow might be a better response to many supposed failures though. It is far past time to stop proclaiming prodigal everyone who leaves a building and Christian everyone on the pews, and start...

mary