Well, I'm not blogging as much now as I did at first. That's actually a good thing in several ways. I write for therapy, so silence on my blog shows that things are going well. I've found a church that I feel comfortable in, and several activities that aren't related to a specific church, which is very positive since I don't want all my friends an activities to focus on one group ever again. I'm beginning to make friends with non-Pentecostals, too, which is very positive.
There are a few things that have amazed me that I don't think I've written about. The first is that though I was always taught in church that my skirts and hair were my identifiers, and felt that if I went to a movie or any other "taboo" place that people would see my hair or dress and know I was Pentecostal. I was taught that by going certain places, I would "lose my witness." As though people with no Pentecostal background would recognize that I was Pentecostal and was breaking the rules. Fascinatingly, no one outside the church seems to notice or care how I dress or whether my hair is uncut, unless they have specific background with Pentecost themselves. I love it!
The other day I started noticing that I am going a little overboard with things at times. It's as though I need a few weeks of total involvement in one area before I can let it go and move on to something else. For instance, I watched quite a few movies for two or three weeks. Then I stopped watching any. I have no problem with movies, but it was as though I needed the experience and needed to prove that I could, and then was finished with that expereince for awhile. I won something on the radio, and have wanted to call every time they had a contest since. (I could rarely call in church because other members would listen and condemn the winner if it wasn't totally wholesome in their opinion.) And we won't mention number of hours on the internet!
But that, too, is normalizing as time goes by.
The people at my new church are entirely different. No attendance is taken, no one has called if I don't come. But they are always glad to see me if I do go. There have been no restrictions that I must attend there for a certain amount of time before getting involved, nor have there been demands that I must do a certain amount for them. Shortcomings are laughed off and qualities are brought out. There are no big people and little people, no popularity contests and no shunning. I've never seen a group of people get along so well, just because they could and not because they had to. It's wonderful.
It's nice to have the freedom to do what I want when I want to, and to feel more comfortable just enjoying life as it comes.