Ok, a little foundation on the things I've discussed so far. This post will be about the Pastor of the UPC church we started out in.

He was a wonderful, elderly man. Elderly physically, and Elderly in the sense of meeting the Biblical qualifications for an Elder of the church. A true shepherd, loving and kind. I've often wondered how he came to get involved in the UPC.

I was a child when under him, so there may have been doctrinal issues with his preaching that I don't remember, but children recognize and identify with a kind spirit, and this is what I remember about him. His preaching was always delivered lovingly.

When he baptized me, I remember being very surprised. Everyone who's been in the UPC knows what a big deal they make about the words that are said when you're baptized - "it HAS to be in Jesus name, or you're not saved!". But, when this Pastor baptized me, he said "I baptize you in the Name of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, which is Jesus Christ".

My Mom complained endlessly about this pastor. He was too old-fashioned, and also not old-fashioned enough (in her opinions). Even though she was a fellow preacher, he wouldn't talk to her in his office without someone else present and she took this as a slight against her character. (In reality, he was protecting them both against gossip and slander and generally making a good practice of common sense.) He objected to suggestions of hers that would offend many families in the church, and she saw this as "political pandering". He saw it as loving your brothers and sisters in Christ, to take care to preach 'the truth' in a way that would not hurt people.

Mom and the other female preachers in the church would meet at our house and spend hours on end talking about what they didn't like about this Pastor. These sessions are something else that I would get punished for interrupting if me or my sister needed things, like food or maybe a band aid for an injury. How dare we interrupt the workings of God! Because to them, all this gossiping was just "sharing concerns to be prayed about" and this was of God in their way of thinking. It seems that gossip and slander wasn't possible for them, because everything they said about somebody no matter how bad, damaging, or unfounded it was, was only for the purpose of prayer. The only time the concept of gossip seemed to even exist to them was if something bad was said about them.

Another thing about this Pastor - many of the men on the board of the church didn't believe in female preachers. But he did, and he overrode them to allow Mom and the other women to preach in his church. This seems pretty progressive to me, and also very different from the "political pandering" he was accused of by them. If you have a group of people in a mindset of extremism, often giving them a leader with a good heart still can't...

hillbillygirl

Just got some news from a friend requesting prayer, her Uncle died this weekend, possibly from suicide. That hasn't been determined for sure yet.

This brought back a memory that I'd shoved to the back of my mind not wanting to think about the tragedy. I'm going to get out of my timeline a bit in sharing this, but I want to get this written down while I'm thinking of it.

My Uncle committed suicide when I was about 9. He'd never known God, and the only "christians" he knew were my parents. A few weeks before he died, he came to their house asking them to tell him about God. He wanted to know how to be saved! But, instead of telling him about Jesus' gift to us on the cross, they simply told him that he had to go to church. He replied that he couldn't go on Sunday nights because the races were on Sundays and he was on the pit crew, he had a commitment to be there throughout the season. The replied that if races were more important to him than church, he couldn't be saved.

He hung himself in my Aunt's garage a week or two later.

hillbillygirl

After Mom started preaching, pretty soon she decided that I was too fragile and unstable for public school, and that all the problems I was having were due to the pressures of first and second grade. So, she decided that I would be homeschooled. I didn't want this, I begged and pleaded with her to let me stay with my friends, but to no avail. School was the only 'normal' thing in my life, and I wanted it to continue even though our way of dressing made it difficult. But, second grade was as far as I got to go in public school, I began homeschooling in third grade.

The first few years of homeschooling were pretty uneventful. Then, something strange happened. One Sunday morning, my parents announced that Dad was going to church with us. I was so excited, if Dad would just "get in", I figured we could be happy. 'Normal'. Dad went to church with us regularly for a few months, even going up and praying a few times. All the church people were very welcoming to him, even ones that he'd met in the past and been rude to. Things were going great.

For some reason I didn't understand, soon after Dad started going to church him and Mom told us that Dad was going to go live somewhere else for awhile. To me and my sister, this was completely unexpected. What was even more unexpected was the reaction of our church. I was around 7, but adults in the church felt free to ask me questions that they would never have asked my Mom. Every service, people would catch me without Mom around and start asking questions. "Where's your Dad? Why isn't he coming to church anymore? Does he still live with you? Do you get to see him? Are your parents divorcing?" These questions were coming from adults, not adolescents. Sunday School teachers, song leaders, youth pastors... no matter what their position in the church, they didn't seem to care what kind of pain and embarassment they brought on a little child whose home had been ripped apart, they were only concerned with their blood lust for juicy gossip.

This was my first experience with emotional pain from outside the church being made worse by those in it. It would not be the last.

hillbillygirl

I have not wrote about my UPC upbringing anywhere other than on this site, so these blogs will be my first attempt to organize these memories. Here goes.

I remember the first time I went to a UPC church. I was 4, and my Mom and I went to visit the church we would eventually join and I would spend most of my childhood in. I loved it. It was beautiful, there were lots of people, fast music, and Sunday School was fun. I can't remember much else about those early years, except we started spending a LOT of time there.

Soon, things were changing in our house. Over the next 3 years or so, Mom started trying to get us kids to stop watching TV, even though Dad still watched it. (Dad did not go to church.) She started insisting on praying out loud before meals, even though that meant that Dad wouldn't come to the table till she stopped. Mom started spending all her time reading books that looked like encyclopedias and laying on her face "praying" in a process that looked very painful. If me or my little sister interrupted her, she'd become enraged, sometimes hitting us. The hitting wouldn't really be considered abuse if the harshness of it was compared to a 'normal' spanking, but if only the reason for it were examined, the result might be different. It seems abusive to me to hit a child who needs assistance simply because the child interrupted a prayer. This doesn't seem Christlike.

Another change in our home was that we had to start wearing dresses all the time. When I started school, this became a big issue for me. The kids at school asked a lot of times why I wasn't able to dress normal, and not being able to wear pants meant that I was excluded from many activities. I could have done the activities in the skirts, but the school wouldn't allow me to try. My Dad hated all this, and it caused no end of conflict between my parents because my Mom never backed down on any of these rules. Things in my home got more and more tense.

At 5 and 6 years old, there would be occasions where I would cry for hours to be allowed to wear a pair of jeans. I wanted to be normal so bad, but I couldn't seem to articulate my feelings in any other way than "I just want to wear jeans.". My Mom had no patience with these crying spells, she would get very angry and want my Dad to punish me for being so silly. Dad would reply that he'd just give me a pair of pants so I would shut up. Mom would then say something to the affect of "I'll just deal with her myself." and I'd be punished. Grounded from seeing friends or going to Grandma's house - inevitably, something that I enjoyed would be taken away for a time to teach me not to "lust after the world".

Around this time, I noticed that my Mom started getting up behind the pulpit at our church and preaching. I remember hoping that this would make her happy and things would get better at home. It didn't...

hillbillygirl

Dear former church:
Why do you shun people? I could understand you not wanting to be best friends with me since I left your church, but why do you turn your faces away as I walk past? Why would you stand in the middle of the store aisle, blocking my way, and act like you don't see me or hear me when I say "excuse me, please"? How could you turn up your nose and refuse anything I might give you... change and a receipt if I'm a cashier, your food if I work in a restaurant?

You don't want anyone saying anything bad about your church. Your actions are speaking louder and more negatively than any words I could say. People notice your haughtiness and your selfrighteousness. It makes them angry. Several have told me they don't want to go to any church because they don't want to go to a church that treats people like you do.

What a witness you are to your world! You aren't testifying of God's love and mercy and grace, but of your own pride, your lack of love, and your selfcenteredness. Jesus didn't shun publicans or even Pharisees. He loved them all. He warned them of their shortcomings, but He never turned them away. Not even when they came to Him under cover of darkness, in the middle of the night. Not even when they broke their Jewish laws and traditions to get near Him. Not once did He reject them. Not even as they mocked and spit on Him. Not even as they crucified Him. Real Christians are Christ-followers. They will do as Jesus would have done. And Jesus never once in the Bible behaved as you have behaved toward me.

In doing what you are doing, to prove yourselves right in your own eyes, you are only confirming what I knew in my heart. You are only right in your own eyes. Your eyes are not the eyes of God. Your hands are not His hands, your feet are not His feet. You aren't doing what pleases Him, but what pleases your own pride.

Please open your eyes! The Bible doesn't teach what you are doing at all. One time Paul wrote about putting someone out of the church. And that was for fornication that was fairly widely known, and that had not been repented of. It wasn't for wearing certain clothes, and it certainly wasn't for going to a different church!

This is what the Bible says:

Gal 6:1-5 Dear brothers and sisters, if another Christian is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself.
Share each other's troubles and problems, and in this way obey the law of Christ.
If you think you are too important to help someone in need, you are only fooling yourself. You are really a nobody.
Be sure to do what you should, for then you will enjoy the personal satisfaction of having done your work well, and you won't need to compare yourself to anyone else.
For we are each responsible for our own conduct.

You...

mary