I was raised in an alcoholic abusive home. "Not where it shows" was my Mom's favorite line. Fell into the big deal new church at 20 years old, one year married.

The church started as a home for the two original pastors who had just come back to the Lord and gotten clean from drink and drugs. Their own pastors didn't sanction what they were doing and asked them to go through their channels, which probably weren't any better. They opened it up to friends and had regular Bible studies led by them. Totally untrained but wonderful speakers.

Soon they bought a second house for girls, then a real church. Then a bigger church, then a historic theater we repaired and filled to the rafters every day of the week.

We were 'encouraged' to be at church if the doors were open. We had dress codes, though not as severe as most here. We had hundreds of people getting saved weekly and took them to our own retreat center on a lake up north for a weekend of learning. Then we sent them to neighborhood home cell group bible studies with (unschooled) shepherds that liked to be consulted on anything and everything. We were in secret sin if we caught a cold or, God forbid, anything worse. We were re-baptized because only we understood the truth, all other churches were 'dead'. Speaking in tongues was proof of salvation. We had an elderly pastor devoted to exorcisms which he performed upon request. The singles usually group dated until God told a man that they were supposed to marry you. Many people followed that lead, only two couples that I know of are still married and they were 'pastors'. Thankfully I was married before I came on board there.

We had a dozen pastors, two group homes, one for men and one for women, unmarried. In order to be in the Homes one had to be unemployed and no college classes to interrupt the real learning of the Lord. One also had to be free labor, rising at dawn to pray in the cold basement, work all day for or at the church, take classes at our own "Bible Institute" where we ordained our own pastors. The women were often "Handmaidens of the Lord" for the pastors wives and their kids. And then end the night with more bible studies that, if you were spiritual enough, ran till midnight, then get up and do it all over again.

I became involved more at the church and that's when the trouble really started. The pastor was "Mr. Way Too Friendly" towards me. Thinking I was saving him from sin and the demise of the church I took care of him and never let him sin. We became fast and furious friends for years much to the embitterment of many, which totally confused me for years.

One woman in particular hounded me for years. Turned out she was one of the many women having affairs with my friend, the pastor. The other pastor was not off drugs after all and was fired, and the youth pastor was sued by his teen assistant for rape. He was involved with many kids.

The church benched the pastor who was in sexual sin, he came back in a few months. He then got re-baptized so that he was now impervious to sin. hmm yeah right. He came back to the pulpit but never admitted what he had done and further lied about it. He labelled the people that knew and spoke about it "Bitter and Unforgiving". We had a serious no talk rule that has lasted for decades.

I left after I (finally) realized this man was a liar an the truth was not found in him. He tried to control my leaving, having his secretary call me until my husband thought it was best to go in and talk to him. We went, the pastor knew I knew it all and I knew the women involved, but said to my husband, "there are things you don't understand or know about." I lost it at that point and started to lit into him when my husband grabbed my hands and told me to calm down because "there are things we don't know."

When we left the church he turned to me and said "what just happened here?" ha ha ha, yes that pastor could tell you it was raining out when the sun was shining. I had dreams for years about going to church, then wake up to realize it was all a dream. I lost hundreds of friends because of the no talk rule. Those who stayed wouldn't talk to me and those who left wouldn't talk for fear of "touching the hem of the anointed."

So many people left and went to another new popular church, Open Door with Pastors Dave Johnson and Jeff Van Vonderan. They counseled so many of our congregation that they ended up writing the book "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse". :0 !

The church struggled for a few more years with a split congregation then folded. The pastor wandered and found employment thanks to a kind-hearted Christian mogul. The pastor then was in charge of hiring and continued to have affairs with his underlings.

After a couple decades he came back to the Lord and started another church with the same name!

Kaye123

I was reminded of the Good Samaritan today...
This morning on my way into church, there was a vehicle with a flat tire. I told an usher (I don't usually go there) and he looked out, shrugged and said he didn't know whose it was. He didn't go out of his way to find out, either. I told another, and he didn't help either. After church I waited around. The vehicle didn't leave... most people did. I left a note under the wiper blade and went back in one last time to ask if it belonged to a friend of mine who lives out in the country, knowing she wouldn't be able to change it or air it up where she was headed. The pastor was the first one I saw, and I asked if he knew anything about the vehicle. Immediate concern, and then 'I hope it's not...' He looked out, immediately thanked me and went out to look at the tire. It apparently belonged to someone who was struggling with some things. If we'd let them drive off, they might have had to pay for a tire they couldn't afford, and more than that, they might have wondered if anyone cared. As it was, they came out to find the pastor and a deacon down on their knees looking for the nail in the tire and (I'm guessing) offering to fix it for them for free. Wish those things happened much more often.

I'm still sorting through that. I've been debating going regularly to this church. Frankly, the services don't impress me, but it's only about three blocks from my house, services are decent, I have several friends there, and... well, several reasons that don't make it a good church but don't make it bad either. I like the pastor. He seems to have his head screwed on straight. He listens and is involved but doesn't put himself forward. If I hadn't gone back in that last time to check on my friend, and he hadn't responded as he did, I probably wouldn't have gone back more than once more. The others I asked really didn't seem to care. One had even forgotten about it when I went back to ask if he'd found the owner. But his response and the deacon's (my friend's husband)... I could live with a church with that kind of heart.

Then too, I was embarrassed because I left after I knew someone would take care of it. But there's nothing I could have done if I'd stayed. "Yup, it's flat alright." They knew that. My extra input on that matter wouldn't have been helpful at that particular moment. So I know that was a kick back from my former church. I actually TALKED to a pastor (big no-no for me right now) and then I left him in the dirt on the pavement to fix it himself and drove off (which my former pastor would have frowned on if it had been him).

The parable came to mind... who's your neighbor? I feel I did what God wanted me to do--and more than that, maybe saw what He wanted me to see, whether I decide to go there or not. Just knowing there are people out there who aren't offended that you don't do more, take things in stride, and want to help people was a huge benefit...

mary

ExploreFaith.org

A sermon that tackles that very issue.

AJtheIrishLass

Philippians 2:5-11

In another recent blog post on my liturgy site, I described why I believe some find Jesus becoming human to be hard to deal with. After all, the people of Jesus' day had a very different idea of what a real Messiah should've been like. A Messiah that could be a humble, suffering servant was too much to take in.

A lot of people in ministry positions don't model their leadership on Jesus' example. Instead of realizing that they're to serve God and those they minister to, they act as though they're to be served. This often turns a lot of people away from Christianity.

When Jesus humbled himself, he became exalted. By making the ultimate sacrifice, he provided a way for everyone to enjoy everlasting life. We simply need to know and accept him as Lord. Don't allow any person who sets themselves up in Jesus' place to draw you away from him.

AJtheIrishLass

I debated whether or where to post this. A book caught my eye yesterday. Though most of it doesn't pertain, one chapter, "Patterns of Abuse", was very applicable to my experiences and some other experiences I've read. The book is The Emotionally Abusive Relationship by Beverly Engel.

In the book, Engel lists several types of emotional abuse, and gives an example of each. Some excerpts:
The list continues from there.
Several spousal examples are mentioned. I'm rearranging them slightly for church: a pastor may jokingly suggest that a saint better start acting like he enjoys service more if he doesn't want to get left out of activities. Someone may say it would be difficult to find a new church where the pastor is willing to accept a "move-in". Or someone may remind a member of how dangerous it is out there in the world, with so much sin and all.
Other things the book mentions are drastic mood swings, sudden emotional outbursts for no apparent reason, inconsistent responses, constant or continual conflict with others, a need for arguments (including deliberately starting arguments or creating chaos), using humiliation, criticism, gossiping or lying about someone in order to discredit them, or telling the person that their concerns are "all in their heads" or simply their imagination.

Above all that, a person who:
secretly hopes bad things will happen to the other person
gets satisfaction from knowing something bad happened to the other person
attempts to MAKE bad things happen to the other person
or causes the other person to doubt themselves or question...

mary