Well, I've reached the point where I really want to be a PART of a church again. Not just to attend, but to be actively involved. I'm not sure what I'd like to do or how I'd like to be involved yet. I don't really want to teach a class or be involved with the young people right now--I don't want to face down someone with ideas I disagree with, and I know I have some beliefs that are completely at odds with most of the sorts of churches I've attended so far. (There are other churches that might be more in agreement with those beliefs, but I disagree with them on other fundamental issues.)

I've enjoyed going to Bible study at one church and services at another. I'd be tempted to go to Sunday School at one and church at another if I could find two whose service times matched enough that I could. Still, it would be so nice to feel needed at a church, an active part of the group, doing something with them to make a difference. I guess it's really been years since I really felt that connection. And it's been a couple since I wanted it.

So... I want to be part of a church that's also involved in the community. Just cleaning the church because "God gave us this building" or whatever isn't going to be enough for me. I want to do something that will benefit others in some way. There are churches in this area that are very involved in the community, almost to the exclusion of Jesus. There are others that treat every involvement as an evangelistic opportunity (to preach at them). I don't agree with either of these thought processes. There are also many that don't get involved in anything outside their walls. I think that's very sad. Many are desperate for workers and dump more and more on anyone willing to help. That's also sad.

I wonder how long I will be at a church, or whether or not I'll feel comfortable enough to join. There are things I disagree with, like tithing, that have left several people scratching their heads. There are rumors my former church took everyone's paychecks and gave them some money back to pay bills--so they shouldn't be that surprised, I'm thinking. Still, if I wind up in a church that expects those types of commitments, there will be problems. On the other hand, the pastor of the church I'm attending would probably be very understanding and accepting of my disagreements and various odd beliefs as long as I didn't promote them in his church. For now, I know we disagree on many things from Trinity to the age of the earth, but he doesn't realize it. But I also know his wife may disagree on some of those points or at least on his way of presenting them. Obviously their disagreements haven't been a salvational thing or a test of fellowship between them.

So I don't know. I can go, I can help while I'm there, and then eventually I can leave. Or I can put down a few tentative roots and see how things go. The things I like about the church aren't even really doctrinal....

mary

Somehow in Pentecost I got the idea that if someone complimented you, you should remember that you "aren't all that". When a visiting pastor would compliment my former pastor, he would duck his head and say "Nah", and maybe that was part of it.

I've caught myself lately-when someone would say something nice-ducking to keep them from seeing my eyes light up. I learned to hide my joy at compliments to keep someone from knocking me down right after. Something was said the other day that got me thinking though.

God never told us we couldn't be happy when we'd done well. He never said we shouldn't enjoy a compliment or deny our accomplishments. Those aren't bad pride or haughtiness. Even God, when He made everything, stopped at the end of each day and saw that it was good.

mary

This is probably going to end up being an ongoing debate between me, myself and I.

For a long time after I left my former church, I believed that baptism in Jesus' name was right. Then I thought it was better. Then a Oneness Pentecostal argued with me about baptism in Jesus' name, thinking I was Trinity. And I realized how wrong some of their arguments were. Reading back through some of my blogs tonight, I realized just how much my thinking had shifted even since then-in a good way.

Now, I'm considering getting rebaptized, and think I may keep notes of some of what I'm studying and some of what I've learned here.

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OK, for starters, I've considered rebaptism for a number of reasons since leaving, some good and some not so good. One of the first reasons I considered was making a clean break from the Oneness movement. That was not a very good reason for me. For starters, baptism isn't meant to be used as a way to take a stand against a group of believers. Also, a "clean break" is really not possible when you still live amongst the group you're breaking from. They wouldn't even know I'd gotten rebaptized--any "break" would only be in my own mind.

Separating myself from them eventually came in the form of wearing pants and short sleeves even when they might see me. Curiously, most of them have been more accepting of me since I changed the way I dressed. Even just tonight, riding my bike, one drove by, smiled, waved and called my name. No disgust--he actually looked happy for me! (Which makes me wonder how many of them truly believe what they're living... but that's another blog for another time.)

*****

Again, I considered it simply because there's so much division caused as a result of the debate (of baptism in the name of Jesus). Yet getting rebaptized won't stop the debate, and I've already shown whose side I'm on by where I attend church, how I live my life, and so forth. Yet it might be done for unity's sake. That one I need to think about more.

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Rebaptism can definitely be a public testimony and witness. But of what? If my testimony is "I'm not one of THEM," indicating another group of believers, that's not a good enough reason for me, personally. However, if my testimony is an answer of a good conscience toward God, a way to say, "yes, I truly believe," then it might be right. Motive is the key in that case.

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I also have to consider historically and Biblically if rebaptism is acceptable or right. I don't find anything in the Bible that says people were rebaptized, except in the case of the disciples of John in Acts 19. My personal feeling is that these disciples, not "having heard whether there be any Holy Ghost" probably were not familiar with Jesus' death, burial and resurrection. They had been baptized to...

mary

Going back through some of my blogs, I realize how much things have changed in a short amount of time. I mentioned a few months ago that I was having trouble with Bible reading, and wanted to respond to that now.

I still don't tend to pick up a Bible and start reading. My former church was heavily into the BREAD program, where everyone is supposed to read a certain number of chapters (and certain ones, designated by a sheet that's handed out) every day. That might be part of my resistance to picking up the Bible and reading now, I'm not sure.

What I do know is that it's becoming easier to read and study the Bible now. Several months ago I started participating in an online Bible study. It obligated me to post 15 verses a day and study them. Fifteen verses isn't much, so I could do that. I had a few nightmares, but posting online and opening the verses for discussion helped me immensely--I was accountable to read at least some amount, and when I got to a sticky place I could ask questions and/or look for answers to help someone else. I still don't know how I'd handle Revelation, but even Hebrews is ok. Fewer and fewer verses trigger me, even of those that haven't been part of the discussion yet.

Everyone's different. I wanted to read but couldn't seem to do so without resentment and a flood of bad memories. Everyone's different, but if a person wants to do something and can't seem to because of memories, there's probably a way, or will be, given a little time and patience.

mary

Based on John 10:1-10

I think this passage helps show the difference between those who are legitimately called to ministry, and those who are more like common robbers and thieves.

Some feel as though being in a position of authority places them on the same level as Jesus. This way of thinking is often used to verbally and spiritually abuse members of their congregations.

What we must note is that Jesus, not a human leader, is the gate that Christians enter and are saved by. He knows you by name, he goes on ahead of you, and gives you abundant life. Don't let your walk with him be marred by those who think they're worthy to stand in his place.

AJtheIrishLass