Been reading a book that explained grace in less than 306 pages.
I've never heard it explained that way. Grace is a gift. We can't earn a gift. A person doesn't beg for a gift. A person can't ask for a gift and it still be a true gift. A real gift-at least to me-is undeserved, unexpected, unmerited, and completely free (it doesn't come with strings attached-such as 'do this and you'll get it', 'do that and you can keep it').

Also a gift, by it's very nature of being a gift, cannot be something we earned. (If we earned it, it's a wage. We earned our wage-Rom 6:23. Don't like the wages. The gift is much better!)


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But wait... we shouldn't stray too far that way, or we'll get an "anything goes" attitude! No, not if we're sincere. If I get a gift from someone, what should I do with it? I'd be ungrateful if I flung any gift away, but if it's something I need, I know I need it, and I refuse to use it, then how much more so!! Yet the giver doesn't take that gift back. He doesn't come, knock on the door, and say "Pardon me, I noticed you haven't used my wonderful gift. Give it back so I can give it to someone more appreciative!" He might not give me more gifts, but he certainly won't take away the gift I've been given.

Sure, we could toss a gift aside. We could refuse it. But if we love the giver, we'll value and treasure the gift, and the gift will mean that much more. And in loving the giver, we'll want to give back what small tokens we can.

And to me that's freedom. We can follow rules because we have to in order to earn something unobtainable, or we can rest assured knowing we'll be given what we need, responding freely, in love, to the One who gave so much to us. Each might look the same outwardly, but one is done from fear, while the other is done through faith, from a cheerful, willing heart, the overflow of an abundance of the Giver's love.

mary

OK, I said I might do a "to be continued" on my last blog on this. So I am.

I feel like I have answers to the questions at the end of my last blog now. They might or might not help someone else later. I'll post them just in case they might help someone, though.

Probably not in the short term, at least. There are plenty of churches I could join and be a part of without being rebaptized.

Yes. I'm not sure all are good reasons to be rebaptized, but there are many ways it would be meaningful to me. I won't go into the reasons here right now, though I thought about it. Everyone is different in this area though, and would have to honestly answer for themselves based on prayerful consideration, not anything I'd write.

Yes, it would be a positive experience for me, I'm fairly certain. No, being rebaptized wouldn't go against my conscience.


I will be rebaptized this coming Sunday. I was concerned I might be nervous or doubtful, that I might even have nightmares about it. That hasn't been the case. Most of that, I suspect, is because the pastor of my new church has handled the situation well. He did not simply announce that I would be getting baptized, but explained, very simply, that I'd been a Christian for quite awhile but had requested to be baptized [at this church]. He didn't in any way deny what God has already done or make it sound like I was trying to "start over". He also left the decision completely to me.

Also, I've come to view baptism very differently than I was brought up to view it or as I saw it in Pentecost. I no longer think baptism is saving in itself, and one off-shoot of a new understanding of baptism was the realization that if baptism itself doesn't save me, neither will being rebaptized UNsave me.

Above that, I can't view God as being displeased with either choice, as long as my decision is based in faith rather than fear and is done in good conscience.

mary

continuing from my last blog...

I'm staying in a place like this!!
I joined the church I've been attending today. I've been considering it for awhile now, but haven't really mentioned that here because I wasn't sure what the reaction would be. I wanted this to be my decision, and don't want to hurt, confuse, or upset anyone else through it.

Still... if you're looking for a church, be encouraged.

I've always liked this church but there were a few points I thought we were in disagreement on that I hesitated about. And, I'd been going to churches and looking for what was wrong with them rather than what was right.

After asking a number of questions, observing people's interactions with each other and others, taking lots of notes and praying about it, I've decided this is where I need to be. It seems to be an amazingly healthy church.

After my last questions, the pastor gave me a book that outlines their beliefs. Opening the book, I assumed I'd find a lot of scripture to back all kinds of opinions and interpretations of scripture. I braced myself for a long boring read. :) And was amazed. There is time given to their understanding of God, baptism, communion and so forth, but there is equal time given to discussions of loving and respecting one another, of accepting each others' differences even while each expressing their opinions when they feel led, of the worth and value of every individual on earth and so forth. Reading their "doctrinal" explanations, I found that they explained their views well, but often on non-essentials printed two or even three or more viewpoints, giving equal attention to the pros and cons of each view and restating acceptance of people no matter which view they held.

I've watched these people interact with each other, and know they live what they say they believe. I've been surprised as they accepted me even though they might well guess (or know) where I came from and what my beliefs might be. Never once in all my questions did the pastor disagree with me or argue for an opinion. He would state some different views and encourage me to read certain passages when asked, but for him that was the end of his part in it--it was my decision, my choice what to believe. He never went back and asked if I'd read anything or if I'd come to any decisions. The choice was mine. The respect that shows amazed me. I've watched them interact with each other too, concerned for each other, loving each other, focused on others rather than themselves (in a positive way). For instance last night they had a pool party. No one went off into little whispering groups. No one was excluded, no one was the center of attention. Everyone had someone. I didn't see anyone off to the side, alone, and I didn't see any groups off to the side talking. No one complained!

So after thinking about it and praying about it and studying everything...

mary

The pastor gave me a copy of their basic statement of belief earlier this week. I love what I've been reading. I love what I've been seeing as I watch these people interact with each other and others, too. They have a good report in the community. They don't argue, complain, or settle into clicks when they get together--their focus is outward, not selfish, it seems. They show genuine care for each other. Their beliefs (the written info I got) include statements about the worth of each person and the respect due to all, lots about God's love and grace... even a few things I didn't know ANYONE agreed with me on. When I asked about membership, I wasn't told what to do, I was asked what I wanted to do. They accepted me even though I didn't join and even when I told them I disagreed. No arguing, no debating, no telling me I'm wrong or trying to prove themselves right, just open study and discussion and seeking common ground. I could stay in a place like this...

mary

I'm running the emotional gamut on this, it seems. I want to be a part of a church again. But what church, and where? If I'm out of town, no church would be referred to as a "trash can". But I'd certainly be happier attending in town.

I really do like the church I've been going to. And I really disagree on a few points. But they aren't heaven/hell issues. Not to me, at least.

Odd that I would drive up to 60 miles one way to find a church, and end up seriously considering joining the one less than ten blocks from my home.

Hopefully I'll get a response to my e-mails tomorrow, though we did talk some tonight. Then, too, hopefully the pastor will remember to loan me their version of the manual that he offered. We'll see. I've gone from excited to ready to just go find someplace else to hopeful to excited again today... excited tonight not because I might have found a "home" but because I realized and was able to put a difficult concept into the right words tonight, and for the first time in a long time was able to explain something while also reaching a depth of praise that I love.

I think at least for those few minutes I found my wings, the balance I thought I'd lost in the last few years of struggle. And flew.

mary