Lois

This is a video from a former Jehovah's Witness on the subject of spiritual abuse.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PhBE8TVgm3U

Lois

At first, what had led me to seriously consider leaving my UPC church was not doctrine or standards but a mess of problems stemming from the church owned day care where I was employed. My best friend at the time was the head teacher and we'd been experiencing difficulties in our relationship. She was hardly there and didn't teach (we ran under her teaching credentials). One thing led to another and I turned in my resignation, which was effective at the end of our summer session. During this time I started to feel that it was no longer my church as the day care events seeped over into church- a terrible feeling after almost 13 years as an actively involved member. I still recall speaking to one of the pastor's daughters, who was no longer a member of the church but worked at the day care, and saying that if things didn't change I'd have to think about leaving the church as well as the day care.

Needing to be able to think clearly, I took off and crashed at a friend's home in West Virginia for about 3 weeks after I resigned and spoke to them about what had been happening. It was a couple I'd met in the late 80s who had spent time at the church and knew the people and how the pastor operated. They'd become like a second set of parents to me, arriving shortly after my mother had passed away and my father had moved out-of-state.

While I was in West Virginia, the pastor at my home church had taken an entire Thursday night service and played a tape of a Christian radio broadcast that a former couple from the church made on the topic of spiritual abuse. The pastor's reasoning was to show them what people were saying about us. The church members seemed very upset by this couple. One would not have known what church they were referring to unless they had known the couple since no names were mentioned. I didn't like what I was seeing and was curious to hear this 'horrid' tape (anyone interested can read the transcript in the experience section of the spiritualabuse.org site under Mike and Linda Ventura). I borrowed it from the pastor and listened to it in the privacy of my home.

My reaction was far from that of the many church members who heard it while I had been away. Though I disagreed in areas, I understood what they were saying. And it made me start wondering about the validity of standards taught in the UPC.

From here I ventured to Pennsylvania for a couple days to stay with another couple who had previously left our church and whose present church had dropped out of the UPC. I took the tape with me, played it for them, and while they listened and agreed with all that was on the tape, I paced the floor. It was starting to really hit home about some actions made by the pastor and I was realizing he did some very wrong things. It was quite upsetting and hard to come to grips with the fact. Here I had been seeing first hand the other side of what had happened...

Lois

A former boss sent me this awhile back and I thought it might help some people. I think it applies to those who have been exposed to unhealthy churches/spiritual abuse. Unfortunately, we've seen those who become hardened to God and Christianity when they have been hurt in a church. We've seen people who, usually for just a bit, go out into the world and fall into various sins due to their reaction to their experience. Or, we could take our past and turn it around, not allowing it to pull us under.

Think about it.

Here is what she sent (I don't know the author):

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see."

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.

The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity - boiling water. Each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.

The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but...

Lois

The Butterfly Circus is an inspiring short film that is being made into a full-length motion picture.

People who have been hurt in unhealthy churches should be able to take home something from this film.



http://vimeo.com/17150524

Lois