This blog will contain some insight for those who have experienced spiritual abuse and will also hopefully help to educate those who would like to learn about it. 
Leaving an Unhealthy Church: Don't Listen To The Gossip
Posted November 23rd, 2011 at 08:10 AM by Lois
"I have to tell you, Cindy said someone saw you in pants and they are saying you are backslid."
"I overheard the pastor telling Bob that you had a rebellious spirit and we aren't supposed to contact you. He said you'll probably soon be a drunk or drug user."
"Liz said that if you would have been under submission to your husband, you never would have cut your hair and now your family will fall apart."
"Doug said that the reason you left is because you were never really one of us. You just want to do things you know are wrong."
So you've left your unhealthy or abusive church and you start hearing what current members, and maybe even the pastor, are saying about you. You are hurt, heartbroken - maybe angry. What should you do?
Unfortunately, being human we sometimes have this desire to want to know what others are saying about us. Curiosity gets the best of us. But remember the old saying that 'curiosity killed the cat' because listening to this kind of talk can temporarily kill your spirits.
The best way to handle this is to stop the talk before it hits your ears. If someone from the former church comes to you, sharing what anyone else there is saying about you, stop them in their tracks and say you do not wish to hear it. You will be better off if you do. Some church members have nothing better to do than to talk about those who left, make up stories and believe things without ever stopping to determine their veracity.
These were people you bonded with and love and you don't need to hear the latest gossip going on about you or why you left and what you are doing now. If you listen to it, you will most likely be hurt and you don't need to get angry enough that you say or do things you will later regret and that will be used against you.
Remember- you have decided to move on. You are no longer a member there. You might even recall seeing similar happen to others who left before you. Don't get pulled into the nonsense and don't run around trying to put out all the fires. You know the person you are and why you left. God does, too. And all the talk in the world won't change the truth and what God knows and sees.
If you allow people to report to you these negative things, you will regret it and will have more problems fighting your thoughts. You will need to guard your own spirit more carefully and will have more ups and downs because you will be thinking about all the gossip, how wrong and unfair it is. Save yourself some heartache and additional trouble by not listening. Don't allow your curiosity to get the best of you.
"I overheard the pastor telling Bob that you had a rebellious spirit and we aren't supposed to contact you. He said you'll probably soon be a drunk or drug user."
"Liz said that if you would have been under submission to your husband, you never would have cut your hair and now your family will fall apart."
"Doug said that the reason you left is because you were never really one of us. You just want to do things you know are wrong."
So you've left your unhealthy or abusive church and you start hearing what current members, and maybe even the pastor, are saying about you. You are hurt, heartbroken - maybe angry. What should you do?
Unfortunately, being human we sometimes have this desire to want to know what others are saying about us. Curiosity gets the best of us. But remember the old saying that 'curiosity killed the cat' because listening to this kind of talk can temporarily kill your spirits.
The best way to handle this is to stop the talk before it hits your ears. If someone from the former church comes to you, sharing what anyone else there is saying about you, stop them in their tracks and say you do not wish to hear it. You will be better off if you do. Some church members have nothing better to do than to talk about those who left, make up stories and believe things without ever stopping to determine their veracity.
These were people you bonded with and love and you don't need to hear the latest gossip going on about you or why you left and what you are doing now. If you listen to it, you will most likely be hurt and you don't need to get angry enough that you say or do things you will later regret and that will be used against you.
Remember- you have decided to move on. You are no longer a member there. You might even recall seeing similar happen to others who left before you. Don't get pulled into the nonsense and don't run around trying to put out all the fires. You know the person you are and why you left. God does, too. And all the talk in the world won't change the truth and what God knows and sees.
If you allow people to report to you these negative things, you will regret it and will have more problems fighting your thoughts. You will need to guard your own spirit more carefully and will have more ups and downs because you will be thinking about all the gossip, how wrong and unfair it is. Save yourself some heartache and additional trouble by not listening. Don't allow your curiosity to get the best of you.
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These kinds of comments are toxic and come from toxic people. Others, even in the church you left will still love you, care about you, sometimes even envy you but Lois is right, it is best to just move on and not allow anyone to hurt your spirit with cheap talk. Small people talk about people, Ordinary people talk about things, Great people talk about ideas; find some Great people to hang out with --this SA site has a few :)
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Posted November 23rd, 2011 at 08:42 AM by Nancy
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I have discovered that those who were most likely to express concern about what was being said about me were most likely among those spreading it, either by gossiping or listening to the gossip. The listeners are as much a problem as the talkers, because if the talkers had no one to listen, they'd be more likely to shut up.
I've also discovered that the ones who expressed their "concern" about the gossip often relished my reaction. Someone who is truly concerned won't run back to you saying "You should hear what I just heard about you!" Instead, they will stop the gossip at it's source, by telling the person to stop gossiping and expressing their confidence in you. |
Posted November 23rd, 2011 at 09:52 AM by mary
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Recent Blog Entries by Lois
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- When A Pastor Morally Fails (August 9th, 2012)
- T.D. Jakes Embraces Trinity, Leaves Oneness Beliefs (January 29th, 2012)
- Newspaper Article on Church Rules (January 23rd, 2012)
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